i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
