what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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