Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want to fling myself into the sun
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
