and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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