so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
