you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
