...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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