I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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