it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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