I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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