are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
