with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
