Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We're too hungover to prance.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
