Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
