piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
