I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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