what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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