One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
