I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
