A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
