it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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