whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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