BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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