i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
