Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
4 words: hood of his car
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
