why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
