Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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