a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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