Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
