Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just threw up on my dentist
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My dick has a subreddit
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
