I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
