You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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