i would punch a child for taco bell
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
