you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
from now on my penis is your penis
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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