I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
