You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
