i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
