i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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