Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
