shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
