I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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