I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
