clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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