Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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