Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
