Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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