i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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