feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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