last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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