yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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