Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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